The Rejection Game
And how authors cope with rejection
There are two opposing parts to this post:
Tough-Love Rejection Advice
How to cope with rejection
One of the reasons I’ve put these two threads together is I think most writers will encounter these two strands of thought. One blocks and the other fosters resilience. Personally, I think it’s no good lamenting how terrible something is without also offering solutions.
But let’s face it, no matter where you are in your career, ‘The Rejection Game’ is brutal and something that all authors will face repeatedly throughout their careers, whether they want to or not. And what do we do to nurture writer resilience?
Tough-Love Rejection Advice
People will tell you, as a writer, you have to be tough about rejection. If you can’t get used to living with rejection – then you shouldn’t be writing with a view to getting traditionally published.
Only those who grin a bear rejection in the query trenches will succeed because rejection in the next stages of ones’ career (submitting to editors, reader reviews, second-book syndrome, being dropped for poor sales etc) will only get worse. Be prepared to receive this ‘tough-love’ advice and ‘suck it up, Buttercup’!
True, but brutal. Given that writers are naturally introspective with fragile egos or low self-esteem, is this the best advice to give?
I’m not going to focus on the quality of rejection but rather the quantity. The opportunities to be rejected have definitely increased, and while the sting of rejection might not hurt any less, I would argue that it’s not the same as it was twenty years ago or even two years ago.
I think it’s worth noting that there are other querying obstacles to success: like being POC, LGBTQ+, neurodivergent or having accessibility challenges, particularly as publishing is slow to adapt and take on new types of novels. Publishing may just feel like an impossible dream for many of these authors if we apply the tough-love advice as a ‘one shoe fits all’ blanket.
I think we need to be aware of rejection and how hard it is – realistic - yes, but not to the point that we are discouraging people from trying. No one is impervious to rejection and, no matter how experienced or battle hardened they are, all experiences are different. Empathy is required in order to foster tenacity and resilience. These are qualities that will help the mental health of the querying community.
Not brutalism, ‘Buttercup’.
I had my first go at querying over twenty years ago. I sent only a handful of queries before giving up. It sounds laughable now, but it was based on the amount of printed materials and postage I could afford (because in those days your materials were returned to you with a stamped, self-addressed envelope). There were also limited resources about the querying process and it wasn’t easy for me to see how many agents would take on fantasy novels, so I was querying in the dark.
Nowadays we have the automation of Query Manager. There are positives and negatives to this system, but the amount of queries has to be overwhelming for the agents on the receiving end, so are we surprised about auto-rejections, slow responses and ghostings when these are clearly symptoms of being in the trenches?
However, it’s not easy being on the receiving end of multiple rejections in one day or little to no feedback in the face of immense competition. This is bound to take it’s toll on the mental health of querying authors, especially when they see others successfully winning an agent, and a publishing contract, nearly everyday on social media. Often these success stories are seen out of context and without the full backstory. We don’t know how many books or queries were sent by these successful authors wrote before they hit the right desk at the right time.
Unpublished authors rely on advice from agents and already published authors and in some ways there’s never been more information about the querying process. But I think, advice is still also subjective and there is no ‘one shoe fits all’. Just because one author only sent ten queries, it doesn’t mean another author who send hundreds is therefore a failure. I think anyone who says this is not immersed in the querying community and what worked two years ago is now ridiculously out of date.
Ways to cope with rejection
Usually, I try not to let rejections affect me too much, as I try to rationalise that this is the par for the course. I feel I cope quite well, but recently I got a rejection, which though brief, cut me deeply. This particular rejection made me lick my proverbial wounds a bit, so I thought it might be useful for others to know what I do to recover from rejection when it really hurts.
Talk about it:
I know not everyone will like my writing style. It's okay, but on this occasion I went straight to my writer chat group to talk to them. Why did I do this? Because sharing your woes with another querying author or critique partner really helps. They know what it’s like and can talk to you about the feedback in relation to your work.
This is why having a writing group is invaluable. The other writers can share when they also get knock backs, and it’s a reminder that everyone is affected by rejection at any stage in their career. We're all in the same boat and if they are being honest with you, they will agree that sometimes rejections sting more than others. Knowing you’re not alone really helps psychologically, in my opinion.
Re-read encouraging feedback:
If I’m feeling discouraged, I go through my querying folder to re-read the encouraging rejections. It helps to remind me how close I am to getting it right and that if I keep trying, eventually something will stick. If you haven't received any useful feedback from agents yet, then re-read beta & CP comments. You could pin these comments to your desk to keep that encouragement first and foremost in your mind.
Sleep on it:
This is by far the most important piece of advice. Give it a day and reread the rejection or feedback. Hopefully, it doesn't hurt as much on the second reading, but is there anything there that you can use to change things up for the next query? If not, then forget about it and move on.
Keep reading & writing:
I think it’s important to remain focused and keep thinking about what to try next. But in order to do this, you need to keep reading as widely as possible, whether that’s just for enjoyment or for craft technique, it doesn’t matter, but it prevents stagnation. I never fail to be inspired by other authors. And I keep writing, even if its a few sentences or a paragraph a day. Keep writing, rewriting and writing.
Final Thoughts on Rejection
We wouldn't be human if we weren't affected by rejection, but we've got to move on in spite of it, because persistence is what will get us further up the ladder. It might mean taking a short or long break before we try again. But remember, you’re not alone.
Everyone has a rejection story and the more authors talk honestly and openly, about rejection feelings and what they do to tackle it, the more it will help those authors who are struggling to cope. The last thing someone who is struggling needs to hear is the tough-love approach.
Do you have a rejection story you’d like to share?
Love! Querying expectations and experiences have changed so much and continue to change. Rejection is the default now, but we persist!
Fab article as always, Mel 🔥